If so, you are not alone.
I was born into a Christian family and my late paternal great-granddad was a pastor. In December 1978, at the age of 11, I attended the Billy Graham Crusade that was held at the National Stadium, went forward to accept Jesus during the altar call, and officially called myself a Christian from then on.
As a kid and teenager in Sunday School, we were taught many stories in the Bible: Joseph and his ability to interpret dreams, Moses parting the Red Sea, David slaying Goliath, Solomon building the Temple, Jesus feeding the multitudes, and so on.
Besides listening to stories, I would also read the Bible for myself and truth be told, came across numerous passages that confused me. For example, why did Jacob get away with cheating his brother Esau and his dad Isaac? Why did Judah sleep with his own daughter-in-law? Why was David allowed to marry Bathsheba, after he had cruelly arranged for her husband Uriah to be killed in battle?
Ok fine, you may say, these are all fallen men after all.
Then I came to the gospels and read passages that really super-stumbled me: Jesus being rude to His earthly parents when they were hunting high and low for Him. Jesus asking people to forsake their own family if they wanted to follow Him. Jesus making excuses for His disciples when they were caught eaten grains of corn on a Sabbath by making reference to David eating the shewbread meant only for the priests. Jesus creating a ruckus in the temple and chasing people out with a whip.
Having read these passages, I became terrified of the God I had given my life to. He appeared to be extremely inconsistent. At times He seemed to close one eye. Yet at other times, He seemed to punish people for no rhyme or reason. If I had any prayer request, I did not dare approach Him boldly but from a safe distance, just in case He may have gotten up on the wrong side of bed that day and zap me for bothering Him.
In spite of my fears, I continued to stick it out as a Christian. After all, I wanted to go to heaven rather than to go to hell. Just like the employee who would put up with an unpredictable boss who can be super nice one day and super nasty the next, because he needs the job to feed his family.
I had a lot of tough questions but did not dare ask my Sunday School teacher or pastor. They included:
- Where did Adam and Eve's grandchildren come from?
- How did dinosaurs enter the Ark?
- Are there aliens in outer space?
- Why did God punish some people yet allow others to get away scot-free?
- Why did God choose women of disrepute to be in Jesus' genealogy?
So I did what most Christians would do: suppressed those questions to the deepest recesses of my mind, and just "let God be God", hoping that one fine day when I am in heaven, all would be revealed. But by doing so, there was just no settled peace. It is like God was just "forcing His ways" upon us; too bad just take it or leave it.
And
this is unfortunately the main reason why many Christians stray away, and leave
behind the “religion” of their forefathers.
I thank God that in His mercy, He has progressively revealed the answers to all the above, and many more. My prayer is that as we go through this journey together, you will come to the same conclusion, which is that God is love and that He is consistent -- the same yesterday, today and forever.
It is our misunderstanding and misconception of Him that makes us think that He is unpredictable and schizophrenic, when nothing could be further from the truth :-)
Meanwhile, if you have any tough questions of your own which you are seeking answers to, please feel free to drop me a note, and we can use this platform to share and in the process, understand more about our amazing and awesome God and strengthen the relationship we have with Him.
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